jimactsout

NEVER GIVE UP During my sixth year of sobriety I slid into a depression that could best be characterized as, “Not of the garden variety.” I knew people who committed suicide because of depression, and I could never understand the rationale. My attitude had always been, “What’s the matter with you? Walk it off!” After […]

“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”Step 2. (Pages 25 – 33 The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous) Here’s the caveat: Being restored assumes you already had it. Not that I’m harshly judging anybody, but Alcoholics Anonymous isn’t exactly a hotbed of mental health. I should know, because

IF I COULD GO BACK “We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it…” Promise #3 of the 9th step Promises, page 83 of the Big Book. This one’s a tall order, especially for anyone who spent the better part of their life pissing people off, burning bridges, sabotaging opportunities

“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.” Over the years I’ve managed to stay sober through all sorts of life tests: sickness, death, lost jobs, repossession, bitter disappointment, tragic loss – in short, everything life has thrown at me. By staying close to

I used the word ‘sorry’ like toilet paper.It was easier taking the path of least resistance, pretending contrition, and offering up the obligatory apology. I never really held myself accountable for anything, It was too damn inconvenient. An old sponsor of mine was fond of paraphrasing the 12 & 12.By virtue of the fact that

“It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism.”– Page Eighty-Five, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous – I was at a meeting the other evening, and

  “Don’t drink, go to meetings and ask for help.”That basic  Tenet has been waterboarded into me from the very beginning.The first two directives are easy, but that third one trips me up every time. Like many of us, I’m the product of an alcoholic home. Projecting the illusion that everything is great was always

Back in the day when I was a newcomer, I looked at the old timers and wished I had their quality of sobriety automatically granted to me.It’s fun to think something will just be handed over without any effort.If only the world worked that way. It didn’t occur to me that their level of wisdom

I grew up in a nice, middle class neighborhood, with nice, middle class values.I’d watch television shows featuring happy, normal families and happy, normal people.All around me, normal people were going about their lives. I felt like a pretender, a square peg in a round hole.Something was wrong. Some element was missing…I just didn’t know