Sobriety First

– Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. ~ William Shakespeare

At the opening of my usual Saturday morning meeting, Eddie, the chairman, asked if there were any newcomers, visitors, or anyone coming back. A new guy raised his hand, “I have seventeen days.” He got a huge round of applause.

We’ve all been there, and know firsthand what it’s like to be plagued with uncertainty, shame, remorse…and a good measure of self-loathing.  I may be a few decades removed from how raw it was, but those memories still haunt me:

Being beaten and bludgeoned into a state of reasonableness – starting at the beginning and muddling around at ground zero.  I still remember my first month, second month, ninety days…and the celebration of my first-year anniversary.

We celebrate our victories, and surround our wounded.

I never paid any attention to the ‘Ninety-meetings-in-ninety-days’ thing, because I instinctively knew this was going to be an open-ended affair.  Now that I was here, I’d arrived.  I wasn’t going anywhere.

The sad fact is, the vast majority of alcoholics end up destroying themselves before even making it to their first meeting.  And even then, there are no guarantees.  Many alkies slip and pick up a drink again..and for us, to drink is to die. This disease is a killer.

Yes, it’s a disease.

The first time I heard the whole “disease” premise, I scoffed and thought,

“Disease? Oh, shut up.”

Tuberculosis, cancer, leprosy…now those are good, solid, respectable diseases I could get behind.  Just because you’re a weak, unethical, irresponsible slob who has to ruin everyone else’s life, don’t try to justify it as some disease. How pathetic.  Now I know better.

Alcoholism is a cruel and lonely disease that is mental, physical, and spiritual in nature.  No kidding, we hit the trifecta.

It’s incredibly dangerous and never goes away. There is no cure, and the best anyone can ever hope for is one day of sobriety, contingent on their spiritual condition.  I’ve stopped counting all the friends and loved ones I’ve seen succumb in any number of gruesome scenarios.

You haven’t seen anything until you witness the brutal  heartbreak and experience the sheer helplessness of watching someone you care about destroy themselves with untreated alcoholism.

I desperately tried to quit on my own, and it was clear that I was punching way above my weight.  My personal record was 30 desperately miserable, thoroughly unhappy days of white-knuckling it. In the end, I just couldn’t hack it. I’d decided an ignominious premature demise was preferable to this misery.

Then God intervened; I fell in with a group of people who understood.  People who had been there, experience the same shit, and were now on the other side.  Suddenly this was doable.  

Hey, I don’t have to go to meetings. I get to come to meetings.  And no matter where I may go, what I may do, or where I may live…those meetings are never far away…and my people are always around me. I am truly blessed.

HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY:

Days of sobriety became weeks, and weeks transitioned to months.  Months turned into years, and years inexorably morphed into decades.

While I wasn’t paying attention, I became domesticated, and The Promises all came true.

I evolved into the person I always wanted to be, but felt was beyond my grasp.

Sobriety and a spiritual life devoted to service and recovery became my defining thing.

Believe me, it wasn’t something I’d aspired to.

My ambitions always centered around Power, Prestige, Prosperity, and Fame & Fortune.

Instead, God had other plans for me, and I became an AA Elder Statesman. Not quite as sexy, but a much higher calling:

A small circle, private life, clear mind, and a happy heart.  

I could have done a lot worse.