Sobriety First

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change ~ Wayne Dyer

I had an outside sales position with an outfit called, ‘Ranger American’. 

Ranger American (which, incidentally, no longer exists) touted itself as ‘ADT’s Largest Authorized Dealer’. Their tagline was, “We stop bad things from happening to good people.”

As with most any outside sales position, the employer endeavored to make things interesting for their staff with constant cash incentives: Spiffs, contests, bonuses, awards and things of that ilk.

I don’t know about you, but an envelope stuffed with cash works for me every time. …I’m a low-maintenance kind of guy.

Early one evening I was on my way home after an afternoon of selling (or attempting to sell).  I had some signed contracts and down payment checks. 

Since the office was on the way, I thought I’d swing by and put all that Paperwork on my desk. The light was on in the General Manager’s office. 

I stuck my head in the door.  Donny, the big boss, was sitting behind his desk talking to Nanette, the Sales Manager.  Nanette, a leggy and attractive blonde was an extremely capable and talented sales professional.

They saw me and said, “Great! You’re here…we were just talking about you. Come on in and have a seat…we want to give you your prize!”  Nanette got up and pointed to her chair, “Have a seat, I’ll be right back.” And she stalked out.

Usually, prizes consisted of a cash-filled envelope.  I was wondering what they had in mind.

Suddenly, Nanette reappeared lugging a big wooden spool of wire.  She placed it at my feet and made a “ta-dah!” gesture and backed away. She said,  “Donny and I were considering what to give you, and we thought this would be more fun for you than plain old cash.

I looked at the thing.  It wasn’t exactly Love at first sight. “What is it?”

Nanette filled me in, “It’s CAT5 cable.  This is as good as gold!” 

My immediate thought (which I was careful not to blurt out) was, “Then why the hell didn’t you just give me gold?”

Instead, I just sat there dumbly staring at the damn thing, “Uh, what am I supposed to do with it?”

Nanette sighed with exaggerated patience, “Numbnuts, you’re supposed to sell it.”

(I was almost afraid to ask) “To who?”

Donny chimed in, “Any tradesman would be delighted to get their hands on this!”

“Uh huh…and what do I charge for it?”

Nanette smiled, “That’s the fun part!  You get to set your own price!”                

Great.  I don’t know anyone to unload this thing on, or what to ask for it…this is going to be a real barrel of monkeys.

As I was lugging the exciting new prize out to my car, I was muttering under my breath, “You bastards probably have a glut of this crap in the warehouse, so you’re making your problem my problem.”

I drove a Corolla at the time (not a model renowned for its vast trunk capacity). As it was, I already had lots of stuff in there.  The CAT5 pretty much took up the last of my scant trunk space.  I looked down at it and shook my head, “Yeah. Fun.”

The next couple of weeks I drove around with this nagging angst of having a potential source of revenue sitting back there…and not knowing what the hell to do with it.

Early one evening I was making coffee for my home group with a friend, Chuck. I started in with my latest beef…

Chuck did a double take and said, “Wait! you have a spool of CAT5 cable!?”

 

(It had totally slipped my mind that Chuck was an electrician.)  “Yeah, it’s in my trunk.” 

He eyed me with suspicion, “What’s wrong with it?”

I was insulted, “What do you mean, “what’s wrong with it?!  It’s brand new and straight from the warehouse! I won it in a sales contest. Just because it’s not an item I’d normally have, it doesn’t mean I’d pawn off some subpar crap on a friend!  Jeez…some people.

“Oh, sorry.  How much do you want for it?”  I didn’t want to look stupid, “How much have you got?”

We started haggling like a couple of Arab traders, when Frankie walked in.

Frank, an old friend, just so happened to be a general contractor (you can’t make this up).  He became interested in our conversation. 

He looked at me, “Wait a second. You have a spool of CAT5 cable?!”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

He glanced at Chuck, and then back at me, “What’s wrong with it?”

As I stepped back and watched Chuck and Frank break out into a bidding war, I realized that suddenly, that pain-in-the-ass thing in my trunk was a hot commodity, and found myself wishing I had more.

After the meeting Chuck pulled his truck up to my car and we made the exchange. 

I wound up getting more money than if I’d just settled for the usual envelope back at the office.  On the ride home I had to smile to myself, and grudgingly admit that yeah, this had been more fun.

I didn’t relate any of this to Nanette or Donny…I didn’t want them to make a habit of paying me off with surplus building supplies.

HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY

I’m always better off when I rein in my sarcasm. 

I’m especially glad I didn’t criticize my prize or disrespect Donny and Nanette’s efforts to make something fun and interesting for me.

In the end, Donny and Nanette got what they wanted. 

Chuck got what he wanted. 

I got what I wanted, and as a bonus, managed not to irritate anyone. 

                    I love it when a plan comes together.