Sobriety First

– The love we give away is the only love we keep. ~ Elbert Hubbard

Personally, I believe that Alcoholism is a genetically transmitted disease.

I didn’t morph into alcoholism by drinking one too many warm beers at the beach, and I didn’t catch this off a toilet seat in some foreign country.

Nope. It’s all in the family…God knows, It’s all over my family.

I’ll wager that if you shake your family tree hard enough, several alkies & addicts will topple out.

 

 I never had a prayer.

I consider myself truly blessed having made it here at all.  Most alcoholics wind up destroying themselves before admitting defeat and arriving at their first meeting.

I was ripe for picking.  There was no doubt, no negotiating, no conditions and no regrets…this was it. 

Here’s the Rub:

Before I made it to Alcoholics Anonymous, for all intents and purposes, I was an Earth Person.

I knew nothing about alcoholism, alcoholics, addicts…or any of that business.

…Nor did I care to.

As a matter of fact, the first time I heard that alcoholism was a disease, I wasn’t exactly a buyer.

My attitude was,

“Just because those people can’t control themselves and have to ruin everyone else’s good time, they pawn it off on being some ‘Disease’…get out of here.”

To me, a disease was something like tuberculosis, cancer, malaria or leprosy.

Now those were solid, respectable diseases I could get behind.

Then, as it usually does, fate intervened.   Finally, I hit rock bottom, and agreed to be escorted to my first meeting.

Some unfortunate souls are dragged into Alcoholics Anonymous, kicking and screaming, with a total lack of acceptance, just waiting for the day they can give “controlled drinking” another try.

The bitter truth is ‘controlled drinking’ never works out.  Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.  As far as I’m concerned, ‘controlled ‘anything’ never seems to pan out.  Damn.  I can’t even be trusted with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

After being beaten and bludgeoned into a state of reasonableness, I didn’t have any problem reconciling myself to my powerlessness.

As a matter of fact, it explained a lot: I knew something was the matter, but I never quite knew exactly what.

I always had the distinct impression that I was on the outside of life, looking in.

And now the unkindest cut of all: love it or hate it, for better or for worse, I was one of “those people.”

The more I found out about alcoholism, the more I accepted the whole “disease” premise. Furthermore, I found out that my alcoholism is not a moral issue. It’s amazing what you can learn when you show up and pay attention.

I’ve been an AA member in good standing ever since.

Here’s the deal:  The only reason I’m alive is because of all those people who came before me:  The brilliant successes, the tragic failures, and the ones who cared enough (or desperate enough) to show up, reach out, and share their experience, strength and hope.

Whatever I give, I get back tenfold…that’s just the way it seems to work.

And while I wasn’t paying attention, I’ve evolved into one of those obnoxious old timers I promised myself I’d never be.

ANYWAY:

Posted on the wall in our clubhouse is the AA Responsibility Statement:

“I am responsible, when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.”

…Ever reminding us of the debt of gratitude owed to those good people who preceded us.

As an emotional Ostrich, I always maintained that my drinking just affected me, refusing to look at the wake of my wreckage, or all the hapless people I hurt.

When it comes to recovery, the longer I stay sober, the wider my sphere of influence becomes…we are interconnected creatures.

God created us that way.

No matter how wide my sphere of influence may be, no matter how many people I may affect, I can never sufficiently give back what has so freely been given to me.

 

HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY:

 

 

There’s no bigger deal (as far as I’m concerned) in AA than when someone gets their medallion. People shout out, “How did you do it?”

The stock answer is, “One day at a time!”

Not so with me. My stock answer is,

“With the love,  tolerance and encouragement of a lot of very good people.”   (I can be kind of verbose… sue me)

In the end, I was given self-awareness, a new life, a Higher Power, the tools to cope, a sense of belonging, and a meaningful purpose for my existence.

The people who showed me the way weren’t looking for anything in return.

…Just another day of sobriety.

 

It’s a debt I can never repay.