LIVING IN THE SOLUTION
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
– Promise Five page 84-85 the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Years ago when I was relatively new, I was sitting in a meeting listening to an older man named George ramble on about how badly he screwed up his life.
He looked around the room, “I’ve spent thirty years walking into the forest. What’s the use? I’m not a kid anymore, and I can’t spend thirty years walking out!”
Marsha, an old timer, looked up from her knitting. She shook her head and said, “You’re looking at it the wrong way. Sure, you may have been walking into the forest for thirty years, but it’s only twelve steps to get out.”
The message was clear; it’s all about living in the solution. We have the tools, we know the path, and you’re not in this thing alone. Stick with us, and you’ll never be alone.
You won’t find a lot of bleeding heart sympathy at meetings. It’s not because we don’t care, it’s because we know better.
We celebrate our victories, and gather around our wounded…but there’s no coddling allowed in the Trudging Zone.
When someone’s indulging in their very own little Pity Party, other alcoholics won’t throw wood on that fire.
Instead, you’re more likely to hear things like, “Really? So you think your life sucks? The same thing happened to me, and this is how I got through it..”
Friends in recovery don’t cosign defeatism.
Attitude isn’t everything, attitude is the only thing…and it’s all about living in the solution.
No matter how unfair life may be, or how warranted it may seem, self-pity is an indulgence we can ill afford. We’re sitting at the Grownup’s table now, and that stuff ruins street cred. And it’s all about street cred.
Of all the important lessons I’ve learned, I rank Living Life on Life’s Terms right up there at the top. I need to have this stuff waterboarded into me on a daily basis, because I naturally tend towards negativity.
It’s so easy to ignore assets, focus on liabilities, and wallow in negativity. And that’s a dangerous place for an alcoholic (‘poor me, poor me, pour me a drink’).
Years ago, my life was one big “Murphy’s Law”. Everything I touched turned bad, and I couldn’t help but feel like a failure. It was humiliating and depressing.
I was bemoaning this to my sponsee (remember when we used to call them pigeons?). Admittedly, I was looking for a little sympathy, but none was forthcoming. He abruptly cut me short,
“Shaddap! You have nothing to worry about. If you do the right thing, the right thing will happen. God’s in charge, and he’s lovingly watching over you. He hasn’t taken you this far down the road just to drop you off by the wayside. He’ll never abandon you.”
I looked at him quizzically, “That sounds familiar.”
He glared back at me, “It should. That’s what you told me six years ago when I was getting divorced.”
Be careful of what you say. You never know when it’ll come back to haunt you!
HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY:
I love the Fifth Promise. It turns tragedy into an opportunity for growth and service:
All my pain, suffering and personal loss is meaningless unless it’s used to help others.
In the end, it’s all about the joy of good living. Accepting the bad, learning from it, moving on, and living in the solution.
