– Come what may, all bad fortune is to be conquered by endurance. ~ Virgil
For a long time now, I’ve been looking for two special people:
The first person is the guy who announces something like, “You know what? I have way too much money! I just don’t know what to do with all these excess funds. It’s getting to be a big problem, and it’s kind of embarrassing. I wish I never had all this money!”
The second person is the one coming back from a slip, bragging about how much fun it was, “I just can’t recommend it enough! My health has never been better, and Business is booming! My boss is so pleased with my performance, and my family is so proud. I wish I did this a long time ago!”
Neither of those people exist.
Of all the people I’ve seen returning from a slip, no one has ever been especially thrilled about it. Love it or hate it, for better or for worse, you now possess an important perspective others may lack.
Having a slip does not have to be a mandatory part of recovery. In fact, once you get here, it’s possible to maintain sobriety indefinitely:
“Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.”
If you’re coming back from a slip, try to look at it logically.
You need only remember four things. . .
1. Don’t do it again. . .
Drinking and recreational drugging will never work for you. Not in this incarnation. Now that you’ve been to the mountain, you can’t go back. We have summarily ruined your drinking.
I’ve seen too many people destroy themselves trying to give it just one more shot. Stick around and you’ll see it, too.
Whatever happens, there’s only one thing left to do: Keep Coming Back.
2. It’s okay to Put down the 2×4.
…or the Louisville Slugger. Or the blackjack. Or the nunchucks...or whatever the hell it is you’re whacking yourself with in your attempts at contrition and self-flagellation.
Yes, you messed up. We get it. You’ve punished yourself enough.
There’s been enough of that…it really gets in the way.
Keep Coming Back.
3. It’s not all gone.
However much time you may have had: a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade…You can stop your lamenting, “It’s gone! It’s all gone!..Like a fart in the wind! Ican’t believe I did that!”
I refuse to believe that for a second. That time you had is real.
You showed up, did good work, learned important lessons, and most importantly, you helped people.
Okay, sure: that time won’t be represented on your newest medallion, but what did you expect?
That’s the price of doing business. We don’t do mulligans here…we’re sitting at the grown-ups table.
There’s only one thing left to do: Keep Coming Back.
4. Everything happens for a reason.
I love the Promises. They have all come true, and they continue to come true.
All the pain, anguish, bitter disappointment and tragic loss I’ve been through is meaningless unless those experiences can be used to help other people.
That dovetails beautifully with the 5th Promise:
‘No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our
experience can benefit others.’
God has a plan, and it’s a good plan.
Furthermore, God doesn’t owe anyone an explanation.
Acknowledge it, accept it, embrace it and move on.
If you’ve managed to make it back intact, God has given you a gift. Don’t slap his hand away.
Keep Coming Back.
Some of the most influential people in my sobriety are people who, for whatever reason, experienced a momentary lapse in judgment, picked up, and went out.
They came back and made it their mission statement to talk about it: What they did (or failed to do), how they felt…and what finally drove them back to us.
The saddest, most tragic chapters in my recovery feature friends who went out and unintentionally destroyed themselves (or someone else) in the process. Those brutal lessons haunt me.
God’s greatest gift to humanity also happens to be His worst curse: Free will.
You can be a beacon of hope, and a power of example…or you can go down as a cautionary tale. It’s up to you.
Whatever happens, Keep Coming Back.
HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY:
The only person who expects perfection from me, is me.
All anyone else wants, is for me to show up and do my best.
After all, that’s pretty much what I look for from anybody else.
When all is said and done, there’s only one thing left to do:
Keep Coming Back.
It’s generally accepted that Resentments are the number one offender that trigger an alcoholic regression, and drive us from the rooms.
Sure. I’ll buy into that. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful.
It doesn’t fight fair.
It’s a predator that’ll do anything to separate me from the herd, break my spirit and take me down.
However, I submit that Shame and Embarrassment are the number one offenders that keep us out there. And the longer we stay away from the support we so desperately need from each other, the less our chances for survival will be.
Keep Coming Back!
