My opinion only, but I believe Alcoholics Anonymous is basically about four things.
Okay, Okay,I grant you that it’s about everything.
But when you distill it and get right down to the guts of it, it’s pretty much about:
- Willingness,
- Humility,
- Accountability,
- The Joy of Living.
This is not a temporary hobby or a whimsical diversion. It’s a lifelong discipline. Once you start down this road, it dominates your life forever
(I sound like Yoda warning Luke about the Dark Side).
Do it long enough and it becomes a part of you, and in spite of your best efforts, you’ll evolve into a decent human being.
I started my drinking and drugging career when I was 13. When that happened, all emotional growth and development came to a screeching halt.
When I found sobriety eleven years later, I was an emotional Rip Van Winkle with the maturity of a spoiled, petulant 13 year old.
I was lost, and had no idea of how to act, what to say, what to do, or how to treat people.
There was a sneaking suspicion that I may have had a few issues, and I had no idea my drinking and drugging was entirely insane. When I finally did a brutally thorough fifth step (with a sponsor), it was evident that I was a mess. I never knew I had so many shortcomings. I knew I had a few – but not that many.
I freely own it:
I’m not perfect.
I am, without a doubt, my own worst critic.
As a matter of fact, the only person who expects perfection from me is me.
That’s kind of a diseased way to live.
I’ve been lucky enough to learn important lessons from some of the smartest people I could ever hope to know.
Hey, I’m only human. I’ve committed mistakes and blunders that weren’t just unfortunate: they were downright boneheaded, and some of those things will bother me until the day I die.
And for whatever reason, I’ve missed the opportunity to turn it around, offer up an amends and make things right.
Rather than live my life eating my heart out, I’ve learned an important alternative:
I have the opportunity (the obligation) to make a Living Amends.
For instance, if I was unduly harsh to a sponsee who picked up, I will make it a personal policy to be more compassionate to those who are coming back.
Ernest Hemingway said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
That’s some world-class wisdom.
One of my major character defects is to speak without thinking.
I refer to it as, “Voluntary Tourette’s.”
I’ll just blurt out some wise ass rejoinder, thinking I was being funny or clever.
Seriously, I marvel at all the times I should have gotten my ass kicked.
Over the years, I’ve learned to keep my words soft and sweet, because I never know when I’ll have to eat them.
If I do or say something idiotic and unacceptable, that’s on me, and I need to go back and make an amends. And make them I surely will. Or I’ll be stuck living with something that’ll bother me forever.
Clearly, I need to make more of an effort to take Papa Hemingway’s advice.
