I was always after some undefinable thing, and all I ever wanted was to be comfortable in my own skin. My drinking and drugging spiraled out out control in my quest for that.
After joining AA, it was clear I needed to unlearn so many of the things that had always been waterboarded into me.
I never could have done it without the guidance and love of my new AA friends.
They didn’t just tell me how to do it, they showed me.
These people obviously had some skin in the game, and when I looked at their lives, I saw something attainable, and something I wanted.
I’d spent my life living under the assumption I was controlling everything around me.
That kind of control is an illusion. I’m powerless over people, places, things and situations.
Bottom line:
God is in charge. It’s my job to take that leap of faith and leave the results to him. Whatever happens, happens. God does not owe me an explanation, and the most difficult prayer I know is: “Thy will be done.”
Actually, I think it takes equal parts faith and practice.
Once upon a time,
I didn’t even have a nodding acquaintance with faith.
Once, I read an article on a famous musician.
It stated that he was a very spiritual person. I had no idea what that meant. In time I figured it out.
We’re all familiar with the old adage, “Religion is for people who are afraid to go to hell, and spirituality is for those of us who have already been there.”
I truly believe that the most unthinkably awful things that have happened to me have been the greatest catalysts for my own spiritual growth and development. Without exception.
It’s not like whenever something terrible happens, I immediately fall to my knees and say, “Thank you, Lord, for this opportunity to grow.”
No, I go into survival mode, and just try to get through it…and I always do.
When that happens,I now possess an important perspective.
Everything happens for a reason(whatever that reason may be is none of my business).
I love The Promises, and my favorite Promise is:
“No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.”
Everyone has been through bitter disappointment and tragic loss, and no one is exempt. All that pain and loss is meaningless if those experiences aren’t used to help others.
HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY:
One day you’ll realize that you’re no longer plagued by the deep and abiding fear and anger that ruled your life.
In spite of your best efforts, you’ll actually become a decent human being. You’ll evolve into the person you always wanted to be; The person you always daydreamed of being, but always thought was beyond your grasp.
Yes, we do this One Day at a Time. But now that you’re here, you’re not going anywhere.