It never fails.
Every year around the time of my anniversary, people shake their head and say, “Boy, are you lucky to have sobered up at such a young age!”
Well, yes and no.
Yes, because I am truly blessed to have found AA so soon.
No, because it just means I ruined my health and burned life to the ground earlier.
Believe me, it didn’t ‘just happen’, and I certainly didn’t come quietly. I had to be beaten and bludgeoned into a state of reasonableness.
My life didn’t end up the way I’d planned, and now the glass was half empty.
As confused and messed up as I was, it didn’t take long to recognize that this was something special.
I was still fairly new when one of my old teachers showed up at my Sunday evening meeting. He would be the first of several past teachers I’d get to know on a personal level in AA, and it was more educational than anything I took in school.
He was my teacher in Junior High ten years ago, and was genuinely delighted to see me. He pointed to a chair, “Here, you sit next to me…can I get you some coffee?”
I said, “Hi, Mr.- he cut me off with a wave of his hand,“No no…I’m Leo.”
I couldn’t believe how nice he was, because way back when, he used to scare the crap out of me. This was a completely different person.
He was always such a dour and severe guy. I mentioned how I dreaded his classes.
Leo looked at me ruefully, “I was always hungover…Gawd, I was such a mess.”
It struck me funny. Here was this badass who’d always struck fear in my heart, and for the first time I was seeing his humanity. We were both muddling through, just doing the best we could. “ Don’t worry about it, Leo. I wasn’t exactly a model student, either.”
Over the years I got to know several of my old teachers, and a couple former employers.
It was always the same. I really liked these people, and regretted not having known them on this level back in the day.
We all did a lot of boneheaded stuff we weren’t exactly proud of. And now, we were trudging the Road of Happy Destiny together.
The Big Book says it better than I could ever hope to:
Chapter 2, THERE IS A SOLUTION
“We, of ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, know thousands of men and women who were once just as hopeless as Bill.
Nearly all have recovered. They have solved the drink problem. We are average Americans. All sections of this country and many of its occupations are represented, as well as many political, economic, social, and religious backgrounds.
We are people who normally would not mix. But there exists among us a fellowship, a friendliness, and an understanding which is indescribably wonderful. We are like the passengers of a great liner the moment after rescue from shipwreck when camaraderie, joyousness and democracy pervade the vessel from steerage to Captain’s table.
Unlike the feelings of the ship’s passengers, however, our joy in escape from disaster does not subside as we go our individual ways. The feeling of having shared in a common peril is one element in the powerful cement which binds us. But that in itself would never have held us together as we are now joined.
The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism.”
Yes, I may have trashed my life earlier than most, but that’s what it took to get my attention and give me the gift of desperation. That’s what finally got me here.
The glass had been half full all along.
