“Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion…” ~ The 11th Tradition
Just like anyone else, I showed up to my first meeting beaten and bludgeoned into a state of reasonableness.
That first meeting got my attention, and inspired me to return.
I’d always been a miserable failure when I tried quitting on my own. It was now or never.
No one gave me a song-and-dance sales pitch and no one mentioned glamorous prizes or cash awards;
Every time I load up with expectations (no matter how modest or reasonable they may seem) I’m setting myself up for disappointment, anger and resentment. As a result, I end up with a bad attitude, and sabotage my best efforts.
I hate to brag, but I’m very adept at screwing things up for myself.
Right out of the gate, my drinking was never “normal”.
There’s nothing social about throwing up, or acting like an idiot
(you know you’re hungover when you find yourself sitting at a stop sign, waiting for it to turn green).
My drinking and recreational drugging never made me a valued employee, or a trusted friend.
Funny thing was, I thought I was fooling everyone, and no one noticed.
Everyone noticed. I was only fooling myself. I hate it when that happens.
By the time I made it to AA, I was ready to listen..
Wanna know what I’ve noticed? Well, it’s your lucky day, because I’m going to tell you…
When God wants to get my attention, he doesn’t gently and inconspicuously tap me on the shoulder.
I’m usually made to experience some type of all-consuming, catastrophic event that reduces me into a howling ball of fear, pain and anguish.
Tragic loss and bitter disappointment will get your undivided attention in a big hurry. God’s lessons frequently come in suppository form…I don’t enjoy that.
There’s something else I’ve noticed…
God won’t give me more than I can handle, and he conveniently provides all the tools I need to cope.
As time goes on,I’m given the opportunity to give back.
Working with others yields the greatest rewards, and that was the big surprise I’d never anticipated.
Once upon a time, my attitude had always been, “Well I’ve got mine…too bad about you!”
There’s no room for that any more. The Promises really do come true:
…”We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows”…
It’s my penance for all grief I caused, and it curiously dovetails with a life of service.
HERE’S THE TAKEAWAY:
I’d always opine, “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.” partly to be funny, and partly because I really didn’t know.
At some point that changed.
I became interested in staying sober for one more day;
My mission statement became helping others do the same.
Sobriety is its own reward. Obviously, I’m not in it for the Benjamin’s. I’m in it to fulfill my full potential in this incarnation.
And hey, I don’t think I’m aiming low.
If the only thing in it for me is a daily reprieve from drinking , I’m all right with that.
As the years roll by, it’s all too easy to fall into the trap of complacency, and take sobriety for granted. To that end, I always strive to stay green.
…To remember what it was like at the beginning; where I was, what I was thinking, and how I felt when I finally reached bottom.
In the end, I was given a program for life, and a life with purpose.
But it wasn’t just handed over.
God, in his wisdom, wanted to make sure I had the chops to do this. I was required to survive bumps and bruises that would make me mature, and appreciate what others are going through.
Best yet, I was given the opportunity to stop humiliating and killing myself on the daily installment plan…
And if that’s all there is, it’s more than I ever bargained for. And that’s what’s in it for me.
-Call to action –
Does any of this ring a bell? Do you have the sneaking suspicion God is keeping you around for a reason? I’d love to hear from you.
